My Daily 86 Words

  Joyous uptick in energy and interest in living. The grief is real and the news feeds it. Going out and digging in the dirt is the cure. The wind blew a storm of rose petals by the window in a flurry of pink and red. Love my roses. Today I will attend to household tasks and stay always from full time news. It draws me in and I feel for the world’s messes. I will walk early before the gale starts again. I’m   up and moving.

  Yesterday was a zero. No physical energy and no mental motivation. Giants lost. I followed the lost day with a sleepless night. Spent time trying to remember he words to Morning has Broken. I must do more today. It’s not okay to spend two flat days. The hurricane news and facebook were my only windows to the outside world. The quick trip to the store was almost too much. I felt bad and wanted to go to the car. I’m just not doing well.

  I added green beans to my garden soup today along with a whole onion. Yesterday was a waste of time. I had no energy or motivation to move. Part of my problem is watching the news. There is so much going on and I feel the need to keep up with it. The Giants played a good game and I will watch this morning instead of not watching church. Even though the distancing is for covid reasons, I can’t let go of my disappointment about the divide.

  The wind is up again so walking is more exercise with head down pushing ahead. I will go to the post office and come home the long way. The bad news keeps me from sleeping deeply enough to rest. It’s what is at this time and not likely to improve much. Art and Ellen visited and she is going back to school. She is good with kids. I made a breakfast from the garden: potatoes, squash, carrots, kale, and tomatoes. Splendid way to start the day.

  Sobering news about the covid surge on the town hall last evening. No end in sight. More sick and dying every day. We are safe in our pod and intend to keep it that way. Staying home is not a punishment but a blessing. I improved my behavior yesterday by eating less and exercising more. Mindfulness is the key. I ask myself if what I’m doing is healthful and what else can I do for comfort and self-respect. I had a short walk and hope to push a couple more blccks today.

  Now, intentions: I will speak kindly to myself. I will be grateful for every tiny improvement. I will spend time with the computer. I will feel my body’s need for exercise and answer its call. I will be mindful of my needs and feed myself well. I will monitor snacks and ask myself if I really want another ginger snap. I will reach out for connections. I will read and listen to music more often. Maybe not daily as I will watch TV for news and entertainment

  My half birthday inventory. Start with misnumbering somewhere along the line. Physically I have done zero in terms of strength and tone. Mentally I have done zero in terms of learning or creation. Emotionally I have done nothing except eat. Spiritually I have dismembered from St. Paul’s. So, my report card reads failure to take care of me or time or opportunity. I do not have the capacity to push forward right now. Doesn’t mean that I won’t or can’t. I have faith   in myself.

  Out early to Walmart and a quick trip for necessaries. I wanted a shower mat and a soap caddy. The old strips were coming up and I dropped shampoo that slicked up the floor.     I don’t want to slip and fall. It would not be a good time for an accident with the e hospital; crowded with covid.   Two short walks yesterday and I enjoyed being outside. Minor smoke today and less wind. I took my NO ballot to the ballot box. Feel better again today.

  Monday again and the same old thing. Long phone conversation with Rosalie about getting ready for winter. NO, I don’t want to think about it yet. She is planning a genealogy study after learning about her Armenian ancestors from a distant source. Now she wants to delve into her Polish roots. I’m not interested in my forebears.   But   I would like to have a plan. There is still learning thee 365 Word program so I can enjoy the computer. I want to use the dictate feature.

  Yesterday was lost in gloomy mood and no physical energy.   Lost day. Restless   night and morning started at 4:20. I’m tired in all my modes: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. I’m dismembered from church and it’s lost too. So, I made chicken soup   and ate all day. TV and sit. Only talked out loud when Kelle called and that was a blah experience too. Not sick from germs. Just not well from the world. I guess I just need to wear it out and move more whethere I want to or not.

  Slow start for Saturday. Long sleep and burrowing my way back to awake. Coffee helps. Now I’m in need of food.   No agenda, of course, just another day of isolation. The covid is too much to risk. So, walk on the rebounder or maybe if the wind is less, a walk around the block. Yesterday I sat too much and snacked too much. Time to get straight about how I want to live.   I have a book from Michele that I will start. It’s short stories.

  Weary morning. Thee kind of tired that sleep doesn’t erase. Bone weary and aging. I have become old with the endlessness of isolation and the devastating world that exists now. Long texting with Rosalie who is feeling it too. At least I had a good easy visit with the dentist. Not much digging thanks to my care. Today is gale force wind again. It is\s helping with the smoke but it’s beating the plants and knocking down the pears. Jake brings them in and leaves them.

  Jesse found a couple of spots to burn   on my face. Always the nose and eyebrows. Oh well. Today is my visit to the dentist. Not concerned about it. I take care of my teeth. I don’t like the digging part.   It’s blowing like mad so the walk will be exercises as well. The air is slightly brown. Lots off watering needed with the wind as   it   dries out the plants so fast. Maybe call someone or at least have a text conversation. I’m lonely.

  I had a long walk and three errands too. The wind is harsh and beating up our flowers and crops. No help with that today. The hedge guy is coming to restore order to our unruly   hedge. Later, I have an appointment with our derm he will find anything of interest. Still foggy from a deep dream that JuJu interrupted. It was a good one about   having news for a bunch of people. All I remember now it that it had to do with getting a boat.

  I fed the roses and weeded them well including new dirt. The visit with Michele was great. She had lots of stories. We talked about everything. She rescued a baby snake from JuJu who had it trapped inside my ceramic frog. I admit to feeling tired when she left as a result of days and days of being alone. The smoke is not bad today and the sun is normal   color so I’m going to walk. I need to get out of   here. Yes I can.

   We went to two stores and took on lots of things we needed and lots that we didn’t need. I enjoyed being out of the house. I know it’s for the best but I do get   stir crazy. My cupboards look better and there are snacks too. Later, Michele is coming to visit!!!! I need conversation and she is one of the best. Rosalie and I talk on the phone as she is as cautious as it gets. Even with masks, face to face is best.

  Long sleep with weird dreams too. Yesterday was better physically and mentally. I finally took care of the huge weeds under the kerosene tank and Hollie helped   get the roots out. Felt good to exert and sweat a bit. Didn’t’ get a lot of steps and that’s okay. Want socializing today even if it’s just    texting. I miss Michele and conversation. Won’t bother with church. Feeling alienated and disinterested.. I enjoy the color from the roses. They blaze in this gray weather..Love them lots.

  Gray fog, inside and outside. Yesterday was endless. I waited for bedtime and then couldn’t sleep. What a miserable state of affairs. I made it to 6K steps again. That was my bottom line for activity. Better than nothing,   I guess. Texted with Rosalie and we decided to cancel story group for a month. It’s too smoky to be outside at her house and we don’t want to be inside even with masks. Everyone agreed that it was best although we will miss one another.

  Well, yesterday was not productive. I did get 6K steps on the rebounder during commercials as I sat most of the day. No motivation for anything creative or domestic. Oh well, the timeless droop is back in full force. Today I’ll talk with Rosalie about cancelling story group. The choices are: church room with masks, her house with masks in the smoke, or cancel. I’m voting for cancel at least until after Labor Day. I need a news fast but won’t do it. Tied to news.

  Poor night. Lots of restless thoughts and anxiety. Can’t fix smoke. Can’t fix covid. Hollie fixed the data loss of my phone. I had the wifi turned off by accident. Yesterday’s brief walk to the market was wonderful, even in the smoke.   Brought home onions, green beans and zucchini. Ours are starting to produce but our planting was so late. No agenda a and may not be one in the foreseeable future. I watch too much news. Maybe today I’ll find something distracting on Netflix.  

  I need to get out of the house after two weeks inside. No duty but a walk to the farmers’ market will help. I want more of the walla walla onions. The smoke is noticeable and the air is brown and the sun is red. Not our favorite color. I hope to connect with Michele soon. I know Rosalie won’t visit in person but we have long phone conversations. My people need is strong and I am dulled out by   isolation. Might try the computer again.

  Yesterday was flat.. No activity. Sat and ate. Only my fingers exercised as they changed channels. I don’t have any wind for my sails. I need to stop watching news especially around here. It’s so scary with the divisions and the anger. We are safe and snug   in our pod. I told Karen that I would not be back for museum duty as Chuck is so fearful that I would bring home the bug. It is the only break from routine but it’s okay for now.

  Today I will tell Karen that I won’t be back aa the museum. I will miss   duty, peole,   and the break from isolation.   It’s too risky even with masks and distancing. The covid is booming in our red county and I won’t be part of the problem. Planted squash yesterday even though it’s August. Might get a late crop . I pulled the failed broccoli and the other plants that have not produced food. No sense watering a failed plant. Might feed roses and weed.

  Woke up without a headache for the first time in a couple of weeks. Whatever has been bothering me must be gone finally. Rosalie aand I talked for an hour last night aand we decided to wear necklaces of garlic, carry crosses and silver bullets to keep the covid away; It is so scary out at this time due to our stubborn people who won’t vax or stay home. The fair will be over today and then two weeks from   now, egads. WE will be all right.

  The oppressive atmosphere is only a cover of fog over the state of the world. The case count is up again and we ae not stepping out of our yard for any reason.   It’s a good thing we planned for quarantine because that is now in progress. Lots of good food in the garden: peas, string beans, kale, carrots, beets, tomatoes, peppers, raspberries, potatoes, etc. More coming: cabbage, lettuce, more squash. Yum. I shared my August 6 th     story with Facebook and had a lots of support.

  Poor sleep. Anxious thoughts. I’m snug and safe. The news of fires, covid, and politics are all so dire that I can’t seem to get it out of my feeling of impending doom. We are all self-contained wiith no reason to go out or let anyone in. I’ll water the roses and enjoy the amazing color they provide on this foggy morning. I can get steps on the rebounder that shake up my body and get my heart rate up. I will pick squash and raspberries.

  Modest improvement. The rash is gone from my arms and only a couple of patches on my back. Still have the sinus problem. I am hoping for a more active day. I did garner a few steps on the rebounder again. It’s my only exercise. The covid news is scary and I am happy to stay home and be part of the solution. My red ounty is blooming with new cases due to the lack of vaxing. I’m glad we took the first opportunity to get our vaxes. It’s cold and damp again. No watering needed.

  Just not well. Itchy and achy. No museum duty today. I’m in until I feel well. No pushing the limits. I did get a few steps on the rebounder and it felt good to stir up my body. At least I can move lymph and get my heart rate up a bit. No company either. I’ll ask Michele to   come later. Maybe by Friday I’ll feel social. I watered my side of the yard and the rose garden will get wet later. It’s dense wet fog .

  I didn’t go for story group. Just not well. Itchy and uncomfortable in my mind too. It is the first time I have missed the gathering and they carried on just fine. I’m still itchy and I want to feel better today. I doubt that I will do much but will hope to at least walk a little. I get stale when I stay in all day. Hollie shopped yesterday so I’m fixed for food .We ordered Mexican dinner. I have enough for three more meals.

  Blah. Yesterday I could not find comfort for mind or body. Restless, unfocused, itchy and miserable again. Hoping for a better day. It’s tea and stories time and I have not made my house story. I could tell it to the other computer but I don’t want to carry it to the meeting. Oh well. Nobody is on top of things all the time. I have enjoyed the blueberries a lot. Hollie brought me yogurt with blueberry syrup and it was yummy. Haappy Monday to me.

  Poor sleep. Too much itching and hard to find a comfortable spot. Some of   the patches are better but the bloom on my back has grown. I wish I knew what caused it and what I can do to get over it. Brief walk and I will try again today. It’s the only time I get out of the house. Long listen to Kelle. Can’t call it conversation as she rarely listens to me. We have had this relationship for 20 years so it’s not new